1. Christie: I Would Bring Traffic Over the Border to a Standstill →

    Testing the political waters in Iowa today, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said that if he is elected President, he would bring the flow of illegal immigrants over the U.S.-Mexico border to a virtual standstill.

    Andy Borowitz will be here all week. Try the veal.

  2. President Obama shook hands with a man wearing a horse head mask.

    President Obama shook hands with a man wearing a horse head mask.

  3. Things Tim Howard Could Save (via Things Tim Howard Could Save - Imgur)

    Things Tim Howard Could Save (via Things Tim Howard Could Save - Imgur)

  4. Plan to Replace American Football With Soccer 'On Track,' Says Europe →

    A ten-year European plan to gradually phase out American football in the United States and replace it with soccer is “very much on track,” a spokesman for the European Union confirmed today.

    Andy Borowitz, out soccer trolling Ann Coulter. Except he’s funny.

  5. Dubious Goal | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

    Dubious Goal | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

  6. Can Somebody Tell Me What Monsanto Is So I Can Hate It? →

    Clickhole is doing to new media what The Onion did to old media.

  7. You Won’t Believe How Cheap This Stock Video Of A Woman Sitting On A Swing Was →

    Clickhole. It’s Onion doing a parody of buzz feed’s click bait. And it’s great.

  8. National Funk Congress Deadlocked On Get Up/Get Down Issue →

    A classic. And still funny.

  9. Businessweek’s Piketty cover is amazing - Vox

    Businessweek’s Piketty cover is amazing - Vox

  10. GWAR to open its own restaurant, GWARbar, in Richmond this summer →

    GWARbar will not merely be a place to gorge on delectable food-stuffs whilst hoisting endless flagons of liquid glee…it will not be just a shrine and showcase to the undeniable visual impact of the world’s most infamous metal band…the opening of the GWARbar will be the singularly most important culinary event to occur since the invention of the spoon!

    GWAR. Really. GWAR.